Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Bye Bye Borders and Go The Fo*k to Sleep

A while back, JP and I went to Arbor Place Mall to see Cowboys and Aliens. Finding a packed mall and a long line at the theater, we ditched our immediate plans for a spin through Borders. Not realizing (duh!) that it was soon to close, I looked forward to some time browsing the shelves with le beau.

What I got, instead, when we stepped inside, was a sucker punch. Right in the gut.

Ransacked books and fire sale signs screamed at me. They jeered, haunted, and flew in my face, battering me from every direction. I stood frozen, lost, looking vaguely around at the chaos. Unaware of my violent reaction, JP made a beeline for a book he wanted. Tears sprang forth as I closed my eyes and let the agony of the once-regal dowager wash over me.

Drifting to a quiet corner, I groped for balance in the crush of those thunderous death throes. Breathe. In. Out. Again. Breathe. Empty your mind. Don't feel.

Sometimes it really, really sucks to be an empath.

Steel yourself. Get composed. Act nonchalant. But, God, hurry and lets get out of here! No? JP's not quite ready yet? Da-umn!

Oh look. Over there on the display table. Go the Fo*k to Sleep. How clever! A children's book? No way. Hahahaha! I picked it up and read it cover to cover. Thank you Adam Mansbach. Thank you! You made me giggle. Then laugh. Then call JP over so that he could giggle.

Then I got the fok out of there as soon as I could.

JP stayed behind and paid for the books. And the next day? He sent me this video of Samuel L. Jackson narrating the book. Advance warning: as you can imagine, there is liberal use of the f-word. But if you've ever had kids, you will relate. I promise.



Go the Fo*k to Sleep? Funny. My Borders out of business? Not funny at all.

~ Olivia J. Herrell

4 comments:

Angela Felsted said...

So sad that Borders is gone. That must have been a huge shock for you.

welcome to my world of poetry said...

I agree must be sad to see the borders go.

Yvonne.

Nick Thomas said...

It's amazing what sells these days.

kobico said...

I've heard good things about that book! Haven't read it, but I did enjoy Angry Black White Boy.

I cried when my favorite bookstore closed because the landlord refused to renew its lease. It was the only place in my town where I could buy newspapers from all over the world and books that the chains wouldn't touch.

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