Lately I alternate between terror and gratitude, spending most days somewhere in between. On one hand, I know I will be okay, my needs will be met, I won’t be homeless, my heater will be fixed and my aging car will pass the upcoming emissions test.
On the other hand, nope, I’m not going there, even to write this post. But at times, I am scared, angry, worried, helpless and hopeless. On these days I crawl into bed early and pull the covers over my head.
One way I de-stress, a few minutes at a time, is playing Spider Solitaire on my iPhone. Recently I’ve hit a losing streak. A long, long losing streak.
Yesterday (or was it the day before), frustrated at yet another Spider-loss, I told myself aloud, “Keep playing.”
Why? Because experience has shown that eventually, usually soon, I will win.
As the words left my mouth, I heard what I said. A connection occurred, a live-affirming, you’re-on-the-right-track AHA moment.
Because eventually, hopefully soon, I will win this game of life. The dark clouds will dissipate or blow over, the skies will clear, the depression will lift and that steady source of income will manifest.
But I cannot quit. I cannot give up. I cannot give in. I MUST keep playing in order to win.
So keep playing, I shall. For the Win!
That Rebel, Olivia J. Herrell (writing as O.J. Barré)
P.S. If you are struggling to make it (whatever your “it” is), or have reached the end of your struggles and have wisdom to share, please leave a note in the comments. There is magic in sharing. I promise.
O.J. Barré is the author of the Blessed Are the Peace Makers trilogy. Book One, Coming Home, is in final edits. The first draft of Book Two, Coming To, is nearing completion and Book Three, Coming Full Circle, is swirling in the mists of creation.