Thursday, November 14, 2013

Thursday Thoughts: On Being Rude, At Fault and Another's Subject

Today has not been my day.

It started in the morning when I was told I was rude. No. Not just rude, exceedingly rude. My offense? I'd brought along my breakfast (which I do to every 9:00 a.m. meeting) and, because it was in cookie form (healthy oats, chia and tiny chocolate chips) rather than a smoothie, I was rude for not bringing enough for everyone. Really?

In hindsight, isn't it rude to attack a person just because she has a cookie and you don't?

Then I was chased by a woman at a later event. She wanted to talk. I didn't. Call it rebellion, call it boundary-setting, but dang it, enough already. After a personal conversation and two emails, I'm done. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Please don't make me.

Suffice it to say, she cornered me before the meal, intent on saying it, that question burning the tip of her tongue, the one I had answered in detail only days earlier. Every time I would say something she'd get a blank look, unable to remember the rest of her thoughts. Then she would. Then it happened again. Finally she looked at me and said, "I can't talk to you."

After a further-deteriorating, disjointed conversation, I once more answered her question. She took exception and countered with a rebuke, whereby I acquiesced.

Are ya getting how I'm feeling about right now?

There is nothing quite like the sting of being made someone else's "subject", is there? Or being blamed for another's own difficulties? I walked away from the exchange, cheeks flaming, knowing that I would resign from the relationship rather than be treated like a lackey.

My lunch, the event I usually enjoy so much, was ruined. I talked to a friend about it. Then called another. Feeling better but still burning, I grabbed a rake and finished off the front yard before my 2:00 appointment. I was huffing and puffing when I finished, even glistening a bit on this chill day, but the burn was gone from my belly.

Later on, there's a conversation to be had and boundaries to be laid. But not today. Today I relish the freedom to be me, to nibble a cookie in public without qualm and to be independent of another's forced servitude.

And that's a really good feeling.

~ Olivia J. Herrell
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