Moving & Retirement Anxiety

This time last week, the movers were done unloading us at our new place in Cheyenne. I was making our beds, exhausted and on my last ounce of strength. The thought of climbing between the sheets was all that kept me going.

Since then, we have unpacked most of the kitchen and our bed and bath stuff, though much is still in boxes in the garage. We're slowly pulling out what is needed and relegating the rest to longer-term storage - down in the partially-finished basement. Soon we will need to tuck our cars in from the weather. But for now, the skies are clear, and the temps are fabulous, topping out at around 80F, with lows in the 50s. I'm grateful to have escaped the extreme heat that continues to plague the Nampa/Boise area, and I pray relief comes to them soon.

On Saturday, feeling the need for brighter and more color in my life, I ventured to the nearby TJ Maxx, arriving as they opened. Though intent on finding orange bathroom towels, I detoured down a clothes aisle and scored! Six new colorful and desperately needed tops came home with me. Plus the towels I mentioned and a few other things. Now today, I've settled on a fabulous (and even more colorful) shower curtain courtesy of Amazon.

My New Shower Curtain

I also left a message for Dr. Dierenfield's Cheyenne office. He's the one Activator chiropractor showing on their website, and I'm in dire need of an adjustment. Plus, who knows, he might be in the market for a part-time chiropractor.

Because the thing is - it feels weird not "having a job." And stranger still not knowing there's a paycheck coming in every other week. I could live on my Social Security check - if I had to. But I'd rather not. And I don't want to deplete my limited savings. Especially with the way prices are skyrocketing.

And that brings me to the main reason for this post.

There's this fluttery, nervy feeling I keep getting in my gut,  a mini/micro freakout. I'm sure you've experienced something similar. Like when an airplane hits an air pocket and for those few moments there's no support beneath you. It could also be described as... a big gulp, butterflies, a sense of foreboding or impending doom, waiting for the other shoe to drop, or the shit's about to hit the fan. (Click the gif below to hear Lucy.)

For those who have taken the "retirement" leap with or without a safety net, is this normal? Please tell me it is. I felt it a few times before leaving Idaho and assumed it was related to the immensity of the move. But we arrived at our new place on Saturday (the 13th), and our stuff showed up last Monday. Then as the week ticked by, I began feeling it again throughout the day. Over the weekend, it eased. Now it's Monday again, and the gut-grab is back in full force.

What the hay?

Curious, I googled "is it normal to get moments of panic after retiring?", and found a website called Sixty & Me. This article says YES. It's a real thing. So does Forbes.

From the Forbes website:

Retirement planning expert Sally Hurme, JD, says, “it can be kind of scary shifting from earning a regular paycheck to living off of your hard-earned savings month after month.”  ...You suddenly need to arrange your own cash flow instead of having it provided by your employer. Can you blame a person for feeling some panic? 

So, yes, retirement anxiety, and even panic, is a real thing—one I am bumping up against. I guess the real challenge is to not freak out to the point that I jump back into chiropractic rather than putting myself on a writing schedule. If I stay the course, finish and publish Awen Tide, then advertise the heck out of the trilogy, hopefully, I'll have money streaming in rather than gushing out.

Can I do it? We shall see. Wish me luck!

Until next time,

That Rebel, Olivia J. Herrell, writing as O. J. Barré

P.S. I could not keep the appointment with the neurosurgeon on the 11th. There was too much to do on that last critical day of the move. But I AM hoping to get a Zoom visit with Dr. Martinez to discuss what I should do about the benign mediastinal tumor.

P.P.S. As it turns out, Dr. Martinez does not make telehealth appointments, so it's time to punt. That means I will investigate my options here in Wyoming over the coming months.

O. J. Barré is the author of the Awen Trilogy, a fun, fast, and epic urban fantasy set in 2042 Atlanta. Steeped in current, ancient, and future history twists, Book One, Awen Rising, debuted July 2019. Book Two, Awen Storm, released May 2020. Book Three, Awen Tide, is on preorder and will release in 2022. All are (or will be) available in both paperback and ebook, and the hardback versions will be available in 2022.

Free For Subscribers

O. J.'s Awen Prequel novelette, The Druids of Marduk, Part I, is also available as an ebook - for purchase on Amazon (or free by signing up for her newsletter). The second installment, The Druids of Marduk, Part II: UnderEarth, is an ebook novella also available on Amazon. Part III: AboveEarth, is scheduled for a 2022 release.

On Having a "Moment"

Do you ever have "moments" when you're moved to tears, filled with awe, or some other strong emotion?

Today I had one such “moment”.*

No, it’s not a writing-related moment. Well, yeah, in a round-about way it is. But this moment is more a life moment.

Now that I’ve typed that and let it sink in, I’m not sure this qualifies as a “life moment”, either. But to set the stage, after living three and a half years in Idaho, I had yet to replace my writing haunts. Boy have I missed those writing forays.

Courtesy Carlotta Nortaro

Truth is, the coffee shops and restaurants I’ve tried over the intervening years, while charming, just aren’t MY places. Each are inhospitable (to me) in some way. Music too loud, or awful, too cold, too noisy, not enough tables—always something.

I had several mini writing-retreats in Georgia, places to escape the sameness of writing at home.

Johnny’s Pizza is a chain, but has fabulous Brooklyn-style pizza. Not far from my house, the dining room was always fairly empty by 1:30-2:00pm. I could eat and write for a couple of hours without feeling guilty for taking up space. You can thank Johnny’s for the pizza scenes, and Jocko’s Pizza, in Awen Rising.

One of my favorites, Gallery Row Coffee on the Square in downtown Carrollton, has lots of tables, including high-tops with outlets. They serve brewed teas, be still my heart, encourage lingering—studying, writing, creating, meeting friends, business confabs, a quilting club, (I kid you not)—have breakfast and lunch items, delectable gooey delights, and it’s run by my friend Lisa.

For a while, I occasioned Cinema Tavern in downtown Villa Rica for their chicken wings, in spite of the fact that as a bar and grill they somehow manage to get away with indoor smoking. That was the ultimate reason I quit writing there. But thank Cinema Tavern, named after the theater that occupied the space during my youth, for Shalane’s predilection for wings.

There are a few other places I would buzz into. PhatPhil’s, Fabiano’s, Highland Deli, Manuel's Tavern, to name a few. Not on a regular, ongoing basis, but important subs when I got tired of my regular haunts.

My favorite was, and still is, Chat& Choo on the main drag in Villa Rica. It's in the space once occupied by Berry’s Pharmacy, a short walk from my house and office, and a place of which I have fond memories as a child. Mr friends, Mike and Glenn, have retained much of the paraphernalia, and serve excellent, friendly meals, Southern Style.

Which leads me back to my “moment”.

In about an hour, I have an appointment with another new hairdresser. I'm having a hard time finding someone who can release the inner beauty of my curls. Since the salon is in Caldwell, about seven miles from my house, I decided to audition a restaurant.

The name is Mr. V’s Family Restaurant and it’s on the edge of downtown, near the courthouse. I got here late enough that people were leaving and the “Please Seat Yourself” sign faced out. Excellent. I selected a four-top—two-tops are too short to have a laptop and meal side-by-side—and was almost instantly acknowledged by a waitress.

Mr V's - Caldwell, ID

A half-minute later, my waiter let me know he’d be right back. Excellent. He gave me a menu and walked away and as I read through it, tears started bubbling up behind my eyes. This place is clean. Well-loved. Friendly. And it’s been in business in this exact spot since 1975. It holds the current #1 rating on Trip Adviser, and has now earned a slot as my new writing retreat.

But those tears? And the feeling that prompted them?

That was my moment. It came while reading through Mr. V’s breakfast items, which they serve from open to close. Maybe it was reading the word bacon, or maybe it was the home-baked bread toast, but a feeling of belonging welled up inside me that could not be denied.

Finally. A new writing venue. One with decent food, soft classic rock, and people genuinely happy to feed me and let me sit with my laptop for a spell.

What "moments" have you had recently? One that lit you up and made you happy?

~ That Rebel, Olivia J. Herrell, writing as  O.J. Barré

* This piece was written on Tuesday, November 19, 2019.

O.J. Barré is the author of the Awen trilogy, a druid urban fantasy set in 2042. Steeped in current, ancient, and future history twists, Book One, Awen Rising (set in Atlanta, Georgia) debuted August 1, 2019, in both ebook and paperback. Book Two, Awen Storm, is slated for release May 1, 2020. Book Three, Awen Tide, arrives May 1, 2021.

On Endings

The first draft of AWEN STORM is finally finished, yeehaa! Truth told, it was done by November 31^st, my self-imposed deadline.

I just didn’t know it at the time.

What took me so long to realize my draft was complete? And why did I dance around for the next eight weeks, forcing myself to keep writing?

via GIPHY
Because I’m not all that good at endings.

I just don’t seem to have the knack—not at ending novels—or chapters in my life. My blog is littered with examples.

As an author who arrived at her craft in later years, I am still learning my writing process. Not your process. Not King’s or Hemingway’s. My process.

Yet even after uncovering my patterns and peculiarities, I tend to forget. Until one rears its head again.

My first effort happened to be a children’s book*. I loved writing Frank and Ernie Find Home, sitting at the PC for hours on end with a silly grin on my face. I had so much fun, I decided that book should be a series. Because—well—that ending thing.

My second was a women’s fiction (ye old chick-lit genre), which I abandoned before "The End". Why? Because to fit that mold, I believed Churches, Chickens & ChiChi's needed to be 80K words—I had bottomed out at 50K.

I missed that 50K is enough for a romance novel/la*. OUCH!

Book One of the Awen trilogy, Awen Rising, is 94K words. I initially wrote 15K past the natural ending. A year later, after beta readers groused about the cliffhanger, I finally understood I had gone too far. Luckily, Book Two begins where One ends, so the extra words/chapters were (mostly) recycled.

Now history repeats itself with Awen Storm.

via GIPHY
In all fairness, my muse offered sign after sign that the first draft of Book Two was finished. But this writer misinterpreted, and so, missed them all.

For weeks.

I have since cut the extra chapters (9K words) from Book Two, typed "The End", and moved the chapters into Book Three, Awen Tide.

Two victories.

Even better—this time there was no duplication of effort, as in the transition from One to Two. Meaning, the glitches, the blocks, the walls, and the lessons I talked about last post, were shorter-lived.

Last time it took a whole year.


via GIPHY
The takeaway?

After the Churches, Chickens & ChiChi's debacle, I learned that when it's time to type "The End", any new, shiny ideas I receive no longer fit. They are for a new novel—not the current one. It's just harder to discern in the middle of a trilogy or series. 

~ That Rebel, Olivia J. Herrell, writing as O.J. Barré

*P.S. Yes, I do plan to dust off both novels, give the romance an ending, and publish.

P.P.S. Thank you for stopping by That Rebel. Please take a moment to drop a line in the comments below. Your words and thoughts matter.

O.J. Barré is the author of the upcoming Awen trilogy, a rollicking science fantasy romance set in 2042CE that combines current, ancient, and future history. Book One, Awen Rising, will debut August 1, 2019. Book Two, Awen Storm, will release in 2020, and Book Three, Awen Tide, in 2021.

I'm Tore Down

The life of a writer is a lonely one, filled with ups, downs and sideways thumps. Finishing a fantasy novel after six years of hard work is definitely an up. As is the excitement of having readers love your characters, your storyline, and your book.

A month ago, I began the process of finding a literary agent, someone who loves BLESSED ARE THE PEACE MAKERS: COMING HOME, has a can-do attitude, connections in the publishing industry, and the cajones to fight to get my novel published, for the most money, and into readers’ hands.

Ideally, my agent will be proficient in foreign rights, movie rights, and subsidiary rights. Because I’m convinced BLESSED can be both an international bestseller, and a blockbuster movie.

I know, I know. I’m not asking much. But isn’t that what every author wants? Maximum exposure for your literary baby?

My first query went to the (so far) dream agent. After reading my letter and first three pages, she requested 50 more. Riding a potent UP in which I KNEW this agent would love, love, LOVE my book, and ask to read the full manuscript, I waited patiently for the next request.

Then, THUMP came a dreaded “pass” email. She loves my characters and thinks I’m “very talented”, but the plot didn’t develop in the way she’d hoped. Not privy to her thoughts, I don’t know what this means, but her pass took the wind from my sails. A day later, a second agent declined, after reading only the query letter.

NEXT!

Keep querying. Keep writing. Keep my chin up. And know that the perfect agent will appear.

But, daaaammnnn. What a downer.

That I join a long (and illustrious) list of bestselling authors who were rejected repeatedly before being discovered, helps. I have another query out, and will soon email more, continuing the process until I find THE ONE.

Because I believe, no, I KNOW, she/he is out there, waiting for, praying for, my book.

That Rebel, Olivia J. Herrell, writing as O.J. Barré

P.S. If you like rockin' blues, don't miss Calvin B. Streets' rendition of I'm Tore Down

O.J. Barré is author of the upcoming BLESSED ARE THE PEACE MAKERS trilogy. Book One, COMING HOME, is finished and being queried. The first draft of Book Two, COMING TO, is nearing completion, and Book Three, COMING FULL CIRCLE, is swirling in the mists of creation.

Deliver Me (Revisited)

Ready to jump in the Wayback (WABAC) machine?

I'm dusting off another oldie-but-goodie, a post from January 2012 - six years ago. Boy does it takes me back. Waaaaay back. To the beginning. This is when I began writing Blessed Are the Peace Makers in earnest. Now it's 2017 and I'll soon be querying agents, seeking representation for the finished version.

I know what you're thinking. Six years is a long time to write a novel. But it took what it took and I'm okay with that. Many successful authors have walked a similar path.

So without further ado, here it is. Click here for the original post and to read the comments from 2011.

The New Year has delivered me to my writing. The manuscript, notes and characters I put down almost a year ago have come to life. The excitement is back, and building. My bedroom, my writing space, is adorned with various and assorted items that inspire me: posters, art, photographs.

While at Fernbank Science Center the other day, I bought a dragon (because, yes, there will be dragons), and was gifted a poster of the oceans and seas (because I love maps and this is maybe the coolest one I've ever seen AND it inspires me).

Now that I am writing again, I seriously need a new chair. And writing gloves. My current chair was a $20 thrift store purchase last year. It has served its purpose, considering I haven't spent that many hours a day in it. However, my left butt cheek sits at an angle and is about an inch lower than my right.

Dude. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that this cannot possibly be helping a hip condition I wish to be rid of. Nor is it conducive to holding my head straight.

Vic Caswell suggested writing gloves. This house has no insulation and my crooked chair sits in a corner through which cold air seeps. Even with the heater at my knees and a blanket tucked behind me, my fingers get cold.

The rest is cake. I'm happy to be writing again, even cock-eyed. When I sat down at the first of 2012 and pieced together the already-written prologue, prophecy and main body of the story, I realized I had a substantial beginning.

But as with any muscle, the writing muscle is one you lose if you don't use. I have literally had to force myself to sit still in this lopsided rocker and write. But I persevere.

It is paying off. In the last three weeks I've added close to 10,000 words, upping total count to just shy of 18,000. Some nights the words flow. Other nights I edit. I am of the 'edit en route' variety of writer. It helps me with the flow, it helps me stay in character, and it keeps my butt in the chair.

Some nights I can't write at all, but my butt is in the chair to watch my television shows on hulu.com. Or to read.

Whatever it takes, I am telling this story. I'm doing it. And the only way that'll happen is by keeping my butt in this chair and my nose in the story.

~ ONWARD ~ Olivia J. Herrell

Ain't it awesome? I thought so, too. Especially knowing that the novel eventually morphs into a trilogy, and possibly a series, because the story is too big to fit in a normal-sized book. And the part where I no longer live in that cold, drafty house (or even that state). Or sit in that lopsided chair (with gloves) to write.

I no longer watch Hulu, choosing to wait until the content appears on Netflix commercial-free. And okay. I admit it. I am addicted. But it beats paying for cable and channels I neither watch nor want.

To close, I reiterate my 2012 ending - "Whatever it takes, I am telling this story. I'm doing it." And so I am.

What is your focus for 2017? Something fabulous and cheeky, I hope? Streeeetch!

That Rebel, Olivia J. Herrell (writing as O.J. Barre')

O.J. Barré is author of the upcoming Blessed Are the Peace Makers trilogy. Book One, Coming Home, is in final edits. The first draft of Book Two, Coming To, is nearing completion and Book Three, Coming Full Circle, is swirling in the mists of creation.

Saying NO

I’m doing it.

MY thing.

Not yours.

Not hers.

Not theirs.

Mine.

My thing.

My thing is to write.

I’m a writing fool.

Not a saleswoman,

A writer.

My spare time,

Be it physical,

Mental or emotional,

Is for writing.

A head filled with

Tasks, phone calls, texts,

Meetings, Facebook pages,

Order-taking, customer service,

And work, work, work,

Is not conducive to

The writing process.

So the answer is No.

Once and for all:
No.

I am not a saleswoman.

I am a writer.

Writing is my passion.

My precious.

My own.

~ OJ Barre'