Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Bye Bye Borders and Go The Fo*k to Sleep

A while back, JP and I went to Arbor Place Mall to see Cowboys and Aliens. Finding a packed mall and a long line at the theater, we ditched our immediate plans for a spin through Borders. Not realizing (duh!) that it was soon to close, I looked forward to some time browsing the shelves with le beau.

What I got, instead, when we stepped inside, was a sucker punch. Right in the gut.

Ransacked books and fire sale signs screamed at me. They jeered, haunted, and flew in my face, battering me from every direction. I stood frozen, lost, looking vaguely around at the chaos. Unaware of my violent reaction, JP made a beeline for a book he wanted. Tears sprang forth as I closed my eyes and let the agony of the once-regal dowager wash over me.

Drifting to a quiet corner, I groped for balance in the crush of those thunderous death throes. Breathe. In. Out. Again. Breathe. Empty your mind. Don't feel.

Sometimes it really, really sucks to be an empath.

Steel yourself. Get composed. Act nonchalant. But, God, hurry and lets get out of here! No? JP's not quite ready yet? Da-umn!

Oh look. Over there on the display table. Go the Fo*k to Sleep. How clever! A children's book? No way. Hahahaha! I picked it up and read it cover to cover. Thank you Adam Mansbach. Thank you! You made me giggle. Then laugh. Then call JP over so that he could giggle.

Then I got the fok out of there as soon as I could.

JP stayed behind and paid for the books. And the next day? He sent me this video of Samuel L. Jackson narrating the book. Advance warning: as you can imagine, there is liberal use of the f-word. But if you've ever had kids, you will relate. I promise.

Go the Fo*k to Sleep? Funny. My Borders out of business? Not funny at all.

~ Olivia J. Herrell

Sunday, September 18, 2011

My Heroes Have Always Been Cartoon Characters

"Me behave? Seriously? As a child I saw Tarzan almost naked, Cinderella arrived home after midnight, Pinocchio told lies, Aladdin was a thief, Batman drove over 200 miles an hour, Snow White lived in a house with 7 men, Popeye smoked a pipe and had tattoos, Pac Man ran around to digital music while eating pills that enhanced his performance, and Shaggy and Scooby were mystery solving hippies that always had the munchies. The fault is not mine! If you had this childhood and loved it, repost." ~ Unknown

I would love to attribute this to someone. It was floating around Facebook the other day and I copied it over to share. Because some things should be immortalized and this is one of them.

If you are the author, or know the author, please let us know so that we can send you accolades. I commend you for authoring such deep and funny stuff, and with your permission, I would like to adopt it as my new motto.

~ Olivia J. Herrell

And, let us not forget the cigarette-smoking, cocktail drinking cool cat, the Pink Panther.

Here he is (in a movie intro) foiling the Man and charming the ladies. And here he is in rare form, relaxing on a Sunday afternoon:

Monday, September 12, 2011

Happiness is a Warm Gun, On Perspective

"There is a little thing called perception that warps the way we see and hear things." ~ Dr. O

For decades, I have heard, "happiness is a warm gun," in the middle of a Led Zeppelin love song. Each time I hear the song, it jars me enough to elicit a faint smirk. Because I know I am putting words in to Robert Plant's mouth, but more because of what those particular words said about me.

Not long after JP and I began dating and he knew I was 'the One',  he shared lyrics that described how he felt:

"If the sun refused to shine
I would still be loving you.
When the mountains crumble to the sea
There will still be you and me."

Melt me? You better believe it. And it just keeps getting better every day.

Not long ago, he sent me a link to the song, entitled "Thank You". Imagine my surprise when I heard the familiar strains. Holding my breath, I waited to hear "happiness is a warm gun".

What I heard, instead, when I closed my eyes, was the haunting and lyrical declaration of a love that is timeless and forever.

And the line? "Happiness! No more be sad."

Yeah. Really.

What a difference a little perspective makes.

Thank you, JP. Life looks brighter through the lens of love.

Happiness, I am glad! ~ Olivia J. Herrell

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Hands on the Wheel

"An' with no place to hide, I looked in your eyes,
An' I found myself in you.
I looked to the stars, tried all of the bars.
An' I've nearly gone up in smoke.
Now my hand's on the wheel, I've something that's real,
An' I feel like I'm goin' home." ~ from Hands on the Wheel

Almost daily I open Blogger to write a post, then sit here scanning the screen of my mind. Not one thing seems worth sharing. Shaking my head in disgust, I click off.

Oh, don't get me wrong, there's lots to share. Just nothing that I can imagine you would care about. I'm in love. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. So what. Big deal. Who cares.

Well, hell. I do.

And since this is my blog, I've decided to take it back. No more lizard brain censureship. Which means you're stuck reading about my love life. Or not. If I drone on and you hate it, I invite you to click over to any one off the great blogs on my right sidebar. There you will find prose, poetry, tips on writing the next bestseller, book reviews and more, whatever your taste may be. I promise you won't hurt my feelings. Just please come by to visit me now and again.

Here's Willie Nelson singing Hands on the Wheel at the end of a Fonda/Redford classic.

~ Olivia J. Herrell
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