Lately I alternate between terror and gratitude, spending
most days somewhere in between. On one hand, I know I will be okay, my needs
will be met, I won’t be homeless, my heater will be fixed and my aging car will
pass the upcoming emissions test.
On the other hand, nope, I’m not going there, even to write
this post. But at times, I am scared, angry, worried, helpless and hopeless. On
these days I crawl into bed early and pull the covers over my head.
One way I de-stress, a few minutes at a time, is playing
Spider Solitaire on my iPhone. Recently I’ve hit a losing streak. A long, long
losing streak.
Yesterday (or was it the day before), frustrated at yet
another Spider-loss, I told myself aloud, “Keep playing.”
Why? Because experience has shown that eventually, usually
soon, I will win.
As the words left my mouth, I heard what I said. A
connection occurred, a live-affirming, you’re-on-the-right-track AHA moment.
KEEP PLAYING!
Because eventually, hopefully soon, I will win this game of life. The dark
clouds will dissipate or blow over, the skies will clear, the depression will
lift and that steady source of income will manifest.
But I cannot quit. I cannot give up. I cannot give in. I MUST
keep playing in order to win.
So keep playing, I shall. For the Win!
That Rebel, Olivia J. Herrell (writing as O.J. Barré)
P.S. If you are struggling to make it (whatever your “it”
is), or have reached the end of your struggles and have wisdom to share, please
leave a note in the comments. There is magic in sharing. I promise.
O.J. Barré is the author
of the Blessed Are the Peace Makers
trilogy. Book One, Coming Home, is in
final edits. The first draft of Book Two, Coming
To, is nearing completion and Book Three, Coming Full Circle, is swirling in the mists of creation.