To Agonize, or Not to Agonize

That is the question.

Stop whatever it is you are doing.

Close your eyes and get in touch with the thoughts tearing about in your head and the emotions rampaging through your body.

Then take a deep breath and let it go. Let go of the breath. Let go of the whirlwind.

Let it drain right out of you. If it's not all gone, take another deep breath and do it again.

There. Now feel, listen, to that center deep within you. What is it saying?

Stop agonizing.

All sorts of amazing things will become clear.

In the world of tea, to agonize means simply to steep. According to an interview by Zinta Aistars with Polly Kragt, The Queen of Tea, "...'the agony of the leaves' [is] a phrase used to describe the steeping and unfurling of tea leaves while brewing the perfect cup of tea."

I like the tea-related definition of agonizing better than the one we have been taught, the one I have believed in all these years:

Online Free Dictionary: ag·o·nize (g-nz)

v. ag·o·nized, ag·o·niz·ing, ag·o·niz·es
v.intr.
1. To suffer extreme pain or great anguish.
2. To make a great effort; struggle.
v.tr.
To cause great pain or anguish to. See Synonyms at afflict.
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[Medieval Latin agnizre, from Greek agnizesthai, to struggle, from agn, contest; see agony.]-----------------------------------------------------

Alcoholics Anonymous has a saying, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

Is it really that simple?

I think so. I can choose to writhe in excruciating pain, tumbled by the ebb and flow of life in an undertow that smashes my head in to rocks and my face in the sand.

Or I can choose to steep in the inevitable turbulence, contained within the quiet of self, until I am the perfect 'cup of tea'.

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Light bulb! I just realized that I am a fewer-leaves-in-the-tea-strainer kinda gal. BUT I'm also a leave-it-in-there-forever kinda gal. I even cozy up to the stick.

Do I steep too long? Naaahh. Just to my own satisfaction.

Picture me, sitting sideways in my ancient slouchy chair, back to a cushioned arm, knees pulled up, draped in Bugsy's favorite sage-green throw, sipping out of my 20-ounce terracotta mug, my favori-test tea, Japanese Sakura Cherry Green Tea, delivered by UPS this very day from Cafe Moto in California, listening to my inner quiet deliver a novel of epic proportions (now that was a long-a** sentence, phew!).

Now. Picture me, reeling in the wake of the world. I like the first vision better.

How do you envision yourself?

~ Olivia J. Herrell