Letting Go of 2012 (And So Much More)

Last night I woke around 1:30 after going to bed at 9:00. This is not an unusual occurrence. Usually I get up, go to the bathroom, climb back in bed and fall asleep until morning.

But not last night. Last night I tossed and turned, kept awake by a throb in the leg that I had not experienced in a long time. Around 3:30 I got up, grabbed my journal and started writing. One of the things I wrote was this:

"It's hard to be optimistic about life at 3:38 in the morning."

After that came the litany of reasons why that was true. I am debating whether to share these. Oh god. Here goes.

1. The love of my life (so far) lives on the other side of the country with another woman. (This probably snuck in to the list because I had watched a movie called Young Adult earlier in which an alcoholic Charlize Theron (I mean sloshed 24/7) plays a writer who tries to rekindle an old flame.)
2. The novel I wanted to have finished by the end of 2012 sits in the computer with the first draft begging to be completed and it's all over the place. I have 95K words, some of which are good, others extraneous, and probably 5K more left to really make it complete.
3. I have a tumor in my leg, but more urgently, I have a tumor in my chest.
4. I have an amends to make and resolved yesterday that I would not let another year end without doing it.
5. I have a friend that I need to vent to and a trunk to retrieve.
6. I have a home/office that, while it suits my needs, does not support, nor fill my soul and I am tasked with signing another 12-month lease.
7. I have $1000 worth of bills due as of tomorrow, including rent. (This was troublesome because at the time of writing there was little more than $100 in the bank.)

Once this was all written down and I could do nothing else, I climbed back in bed and slept like a baby until the alarm went off at 7:01.

The reality is:

1. The love of my life ain't all that and I'm ready and open to being with one who is.
2. The novel is exactly where it's supposed to be at this stage in the game and forcing myself to write because I should usually has the effect of making me balk like a stubborn mule. (And did. I'm writing this instead tonight.)
3. The tumor in the leg has been there since the mid-80's. The one in the chest possibly as long.
4. I wrote the amends letter tonight. As soon as she confirms I have the right email I will send it. Hopefully that happens really soon.
5. Once #4 is complete, I'll be on to #5.
6. I will either stay or I won't. The new lease is in an envelope, unopened and unsigned. I would really, really like to have a place where I'm not confronted by haints nearly every evening/night, a place where I can undress without feeling some perverted ghost is ogling me, or that one is hanging out in the corner leering at me while I watch a movie or waiting for me to help it pass to the other side. I want to feel comfortable walking around my house in the dark. Never before has this been as issue. Tonight I had dinner at a friend's house and her brother (out of the blue) told me of a house he has that might work. (I had not and have not told her, him or anyone that I was considering a move!)
7. I create my own reality. When I went from thinking I needed a loan to believing the money would be provided, a 'miracle' happened.  I stated that God was sending me several new patients this week, starting today. As of last night's writing I only had one patient on the today's schedule, a new one. This morning three regulars booked and then a couple (new patients) called and came in. All today. All of them bought packages (and got a sweet deal!). And I now I have enough money to cover all those expense. God is good.

So here at the tail end of 2012, I am sharing my load, because in the sharing, it becomes lighter. It already has.

May your new year be bright and shining as we create the world we want to live in, rather than the one we've been told we must.

Are you letting go of anything or leaving anything behind in the year 2012 to make way for the new year 2013?

~ Olivia J. Herrell

Taking It Up a Notch

I spent more hours researching today than I did writing.

The threads under study are for Books Two and Three of Peace Makers, but the roots have to be planted in Book One. So I'm now going back and adding a third level of "bad guys" to the story.

No, I haven't written the last chapter. Things will happen there that result from what I'm working on now, so I'm waiting. Plus, today was a bad-guy kind of day.

Here is a paragraph from one of the scenes:

"He watched her performance for another minute, reveling in his good fortune at finding the perfect patsy. It was time to update the council. Stretching webbed fingers to the console to change bandwidths, he halted. The woman had begun singing. The song reverberated in some distant corner of his memory. The voice was angelic, like the Elohim from which he was descended, though he was far removed from his lofty forebears. He’d been stuck in this hellhole too long."

That, my friends is an excerpt from a nasty character I am working on, though evil isn't my strong suit. It is distasteful for me, even to write. I have a mechanism, a safety valve, that keeps me far removed from that sort of thing. Some call it naive, I call it dwelling in the good. To write not-so-nice characters and situations, I have to unlock that mechanism for a while.

As I said today on Facebook, it is so much easier for me to write the good ones.

Thanks for stopping by. Let me know if you like it. Or not

~  Olivia J. Herrell

P.S. Thank you to author Christine L. Hardy, who inspired tonight's post .

I'm Baaack

Yes. That's right. I couldn't stand it any longer. I missed you guys. It's lonely over in Wordpress Land. So starting tonight, oh wait, it's tomorrow. Starting now, I'm back.

First, a little update on Blessed Are The Peace Makers, which will heretoafterevermore be referred to as Peace Makers. The current word count is 86K. The heroine and critical players are in place for the final scene which is taking place at Zoo Atlanta.

NaNoWriMo was the impetus that got me here. I will admit I took a nine day break. Yep. The first nine days of December I did other stuff. But it paid off. In inspiration, motivation and every otheration.

I had several giggling, laughing episodes this evening. It is heady stuff being so close to the end of a manuscript. One that's three years in the making. In February 2010 the first seed idea presented itself. I was in the middle of another novel, a chic lit that was a lot of fun writing.

I scribbled the idea down and went on. But others bombarded me and I was getting nada for my chic lit. So I shelved it and started Peace Makers.

It has been a fabulous journey. The Dead just sprang to mind. What a long, strange trip it's been. Looking back, I smile. And laugh the laugh of delight. All the research. All the new horizons. All the words, characters and chapters. And all the ones to come. I've found my place. I've found my home. I am a writer. And my book is almost done.

I send a heartfelt thank you out to each and every one of you. I began this journey with you. And even when I jumped ship to Wordpress you supported me on Facebook, or silently on your own, wherever you were in your own life.

It feels only fitting that I end it with you, too.

Thank you all so very much.

~ That Rebel, Olivia J Herrell