Lil Blue

Last week I drove a 2001 VW Cabrio convertible named Lil Blue. Lil Blue is, as you guessed, blue. Midnight blue. She has a black, automatic convertible top, black leather seats, a CD player (that could use upgrading), A/C, 5 speed, tight, peppy and fun to drive.

Her current owner, for the last 5 years, drove her back and forth from Santa Barbara to school in Santa Cruz, so she has 119,600 miles. Tomorrow they (Lil Blue and her owner) will meet me at my mechanic's, so that he can check her out. If she passes inspection, and he gives her the nod, this time tomorrow she'll be parked in my garage.!

And the rental car will be gone, back to the rental car home.

Wish us luck!

Holosync and Threshold

Thanks, Holosync, and Centerpointe Research.

I'm now on Awakening, Level I, about 3 CD's in. It's taken me 9 months to get here. I sit in meditation, listening through the stereo headphones as instructed, for an hour about 5 days a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. I try not to push it. When I do I get a bit batty. Testy, cranky, skintight, coiled spring poised to break out. I eventually do. Break out, that is. I slip and slide, sometimes gracefully, sometimes not, through threshold to breakthrough, to breakout.

It's a brilliant process, one I feel honored to have found. I am changing, growing, by leaps and bounds. I feel it. I experience mySelf in so many new ways. Some fun, some...not so much. There are days when the voice in my head becomes too much and I must shut her up. The whole point, however, is to listen, to learn, to grow, to move on. Meaning, to change. To let go of these behaviours and ways of being that shackle me and hold me back and down.

I find that I am growing ever tired of being boring, after having reveled in it for many years. I am yearning instead for new adventure, new experiences, new ways to play. I am ready to get out there and trek and travel, to explore and experience. To see the Northern Lights and Michaelangelo's David and Sistine Chapel. To put a wetsuit on and go swimming in this ocean that I live by and love, to rent a kayak and risk a little bit of my security for what could just be a big hunk of fun.

Time to listen? Landover, here I come! :)

Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

Home, finally, after what seemed like hours spent on PCH driving home from LA. The sunset we had hoped to catch did not disappoint. But, it came and went, leaving us captured, marooned in an island of Mercedes and Jaguars, inching along PCH.

AM 980 says it has something to do with a chase that ended around Coastline. Why, oh why didn't we take Sunset instead of Wilshire? Why, oh why, oh why? Always why.

Why not? This is, after all, what happens when I don't listen. If I'd listened, I would have gone, instead to B & N for the third Magic Kingdom novel. (After proudly paying $1.00 today for a new Ventura County library card, the library didn't have it.) Then, I would have come back home and read till my eyes were heavy, in the comfort of my own living room, but nooooooo. I had to ignore my voice and traipse my little behind to LA and get stuck in the aftermath of goodness knows what on PCH. Did anybody catch the news???

I have to get back to Landover. because I must answer a question that is burning in my mind, "Will Ben and Willow ever get to have fun and relax and play?" Or must they always be battling demons and dragons and witches and fear and self-doubt. My gut tells me, I already know the answer.

The answer is no, not in Landover, nor here, in Oak Park, California, in the US of A. There will always be demons to face, dragons to battle (or to serenade), voices to listen to and others to ignore. Our knight, or fairy-being will emerge from within, rise up and save the day whenever called upon.

And, when we don't listen to our inner voices, our scribes, or our inner wizards, we can sit our butts in a sporty little Jag with uncomfortable seats, inching along PCH at sunset, feeling yesterday's anger, that was by no means gone, now turning to helpless frustration. We can stand back and watch as the frustration squeaks out of us in a low-pitched whine and a mini-temper tantrum erupts.

Poor Harold. He, at least, didn't crack. Miracles abound. He just kept inching along. I pulled it together (after all, I'm really not 12) and we finally broke free of traffic, at Coastline. Whereupon, we pulled in to the Taco Bell/gas station where I proceeded to STAND IN FRONT OF THE WOMEN'S ROOM DOOR for what felt like 10 minutes! No lie.

And I can hear this steady conversation going on in there as a line of 8 more women piled up behind me, all of us victims of an hour or more sitting in traffic. Finally, out comes a woman apologizing, with two boys in tow, one must've been 11 or 12 and the other maybe 6! What in the everylovingworld were those boys doing in MY bathroom? When there's a perfectly good men's room that NO ONE else is using. Geez. Puh-lease!

I'm home. I'm safe. I'm ready to crash. Head to pillow. I'm grateful to have a full day scheduled for tomorrow.

And today behind me, new lessons learned.