Better Left to Chance

Tonight I mourn.

In the relationship game of life, I am batting a thousand. Yes. Yes I am.

In the World of Olivia there seem to be two constants. One is change. The other is me on the tail end of a relationship gone awry. You would think a smart girl like moi would figure it out. Get it right.

So far, I have not.

Dammit.

I know what love feels like. I know my heart. I know me.

I know in hindsight that I had no business even thinking about embarking on a relationship with a man, much less doing it. I was looking for fun, not serious. Did I not say that in my profile? Yes. Yes I did. And I meant it.

So how did I let myself get sidetracked? Why did I toss my wish to have fun, in favor of the 'fall in love, get married and have kids' scenario? Did I tell you that I am fifty-four, soon fifty five?

The sign was there, even in the beginning. The Stop, This Is All Wrong sign. Did I notice? Yes. Did I pay attention? No. I let myself be swept along by the possibilities, by the fleeting magic of a dream awakened. It's quite intoxicating, that dream. But, as is the way with dreams, consciousness returns upon awakening.

And life is life. And what is, is.

My heart hurts and my eyes leak tears.Yet my words seem void of emotion. How can that be?

Tonight I mourn.

For the man. For the dream.

For the dance.


The dance - garth brooks by rawestern

Thank you, JP. For the dance.

~ That Rebel, Olivia J. Herrell