What a difference a year makes. Oh wait. Eighteen
months. When I reread my first stab at blurb-writing from a post I published in August 2015, I wanted to gag. Or hold my nose. 'Cause
compared to the current one, it stinks. Or is that just me?
I thought it would be fun to go back and grab several
iterations, so you can see the progression. If you're interested in how the
blurb for BLESSED ARE THE PEACE MAKERS: COMING HOME morphed over time, start at
the beginning and read all the way through. If not, read the first and skip
down to the last.
AMERICA 2042CE: A down-and-out disaster specialist finds
she’s the last of a long line of magical Druid priestesses carrying the
bloodline of William the Conqueror. To make matters worse, she is expected to
fill the shoes of her new father, the erstwhile Grand Druid whose coma is
likely the result of foul play. Taught to run from adversity by a mother who
carried the secret of her powers and heritage to an alcoholic grave, and faced
with a foe known only as “The Darkness”, she must race the clock, cramming twenty-six
years’ of training into the short time left.
On the opposite coast her nemesis, a sorceress-turned-holy-woman, is targeted
and tagged by the invisible foe: a race of Reptilian aliens residing in Earth’s
interior. Placed there millennia ago and kept secret and apart from the Humans
by a forgetfulness curse enforced by dragon guards, the Reptilians are
determined to take control of the planet. Led by a nasty Draco general, they
will use the evangelist and others like her to pit the humans against one
another, leaving Earth ripe for the picking.
Okay. I didn’t gag that time. But here’s the
blurb I used for French Press Bookworks’s query workshop on October 2016.
I love when fantasy collides with real life. In
Blessed Are the Peace Makers, Awen, last of the Druid Priestesses, diverts
Earth’s destruction in 1042AD by saving a young William the Conqueror from
death. Now, it is 2042 and their descendent, a down-and-out disaster
specialist, on the run from an obsessed sorceress-slash-holy-woman, is Earth’s
only hope. A race of Reptilian aliens, secretly living in Earth’s mantle, plots
to use the holy woman and others like her to brainwash the Humans into
destroying one another, leaving AboveEarth ripe for the picking. Aided by
magical animal Elders, including dragons responsible for keeping the races
secret and apart, the heroine faces insurmountable odds to avert the coming
Darkness.
Shorter, sweeter, but still no cigar. As both
Dionne Abouelela and James Stryker asked, what are the main character's names?
After workshopping with them, together briefly, and James, extensively, I ended
up with this.
In the near future, fantasy collides with real
life when Emily Hester, an untrained druid, must rise from the ashes of a
troubled past to head the powerful Awen order, headquartered in Atlanta,
Georgia. A looming threat known only as “the Darkness” – reptilian aliens
living secretly in Earth’s mantle – plot to take AboveEarth by manipulating
humans into destroying one another. Pursued by a smitten sorceress, Shalane
Carpenter, and aided by magical animal elders, a sexy druid priest and his teen
nephew, Emily must reluctantly learn the magic necessary for the druids to have
a chance at saving Earth.
MUCH better. But still vague about motivation and
voice. Here’s another iteration, rewritten based on an article by Laura Zats.
I sent this in a query letter to agent Sara Megibow of KT Literary, then ten days later, to Laura Zats
of Red Sofa Literary, and Rebecca Strauss of DeFiore and Company.
One thing her deceased mother taught Emily
Mayhall was the fine art of running away. Reeling from the loss of her fiancé,
her nerve, and her job as a disaster specialist, Emily is stalked by Shalane
Carpenter, a shaman-sorceress whose wiles turn men, and most women, to mush,
and bought her national acclaim as an evangelist. Immune to Shalane’s advances,
Emily assumes a new identity, one she finds in a ledger in her mother’s strange
box of druid artifacts. When a registered letter arrives addressed to Emily
Mayhall Hester, she throws it on the counter, unopened. That night, the frantic
dreams begin – she is Awen, druid priestess, and she must save the young Duke
of Normandy’s life, or else. When the letter turns out to be from an attorney
in Atlanta, GA, who represents a birth-father Emily didn’t know existed, she
reluctantly accepts a free ticket to Atlanta, not knowing that the troubles
she’s leaving behind, are nothing compared to what she’ll face when she gets
there.
Set in the near future, fantasy collides with
real life for a slew of supporting characters including a sexy druid priest and
his teen nephew, “invisible” dragons, and magical animals, while a foe known
only as the Darkness – reptilian aliens living in Earth’s mantle, plot to
destroy humankind.
Longer. More words. But each packs a punch. I
get a better sense of who the main characters are, and the predicament in which
they find themselves. I want to know more. I want to read more.
Which, after all, is the whole point of a blurb.
To date, the last (along with the first
three pages of the manuscript) prompted a request for additional pages from
Sara (be still my heart!). Her partial-request reading time is two to four weeks - it’s
been a little over one. The query-reading
times for the others are longer, so we'll see.
Which is your favorite? Do you prefer a
different blurb?
Here’s to a happy and hallowed day for all.
That Rebel, Olivia J. Herrell,
writing as O.J. Barré
O.J. Barré is author of the
upcoming Blessed Are the Peace Makers trilogy. Book One, Coming
Home, is in final edits. The first draft of Book Two, Coming To,
is nearing completion and Book Three, Coming Full Circle, is
swirling in the mists of creation.
