Bugsy Is Gone

It is done. Bugsy is gone. I am devastated and feel I may never smile again. The sun is shining, yet all I feel is sad. Sad sad sad sad sad. Goodbye my love. Rest In Peace Bugsy Herrell Richland. August 2004-April 2019.

Bugsy and Olivia, April 16, 2019

I wrote this on Twitter and Facebook nine days ago. And still, my heart is torn to pieces. I'm sorry I'm just now telling you, dear Rebels. I tried. I did. But it's been too painful.

And still is.

I gave myself five days to grieve. To bawl. To sigh. To keen.

And keen, I have. If you don't know what that is, I looked it up for you at dictionary.com:

[ KEEN ]

a wailing lament for the dead.

verb (used without object)

to wail in lamentation for the dead.

verb (used with object)

to mourn for by or with such keening or wailing:keening his mother while kneeling at her grave.

ORIGIN OF KEEN

1805–15; < Irish caoine (noun), caoin- (v., stem of caoinim ) lament

Bugsy and Olivia, Last Day Together

Keening is wailing. Out loud. Not what one expects in today's society. We get uncomfortable around keeners. But the truth is, it's the most natural and normal expression of deep pain or grief.

This past Monday morning, Day 6, I opened Awen Rising's manuscript and got more of my editor's revisions done. Tuesday morning, a few more. Both afternoons at the day-job were difficult. Damn near impossible. But I made it. Yesterday, I had work in the morning, and I'm happy to share that after throwing myself on Jehovah God's mercy, it was a little easier to breathe and smile.

This morning, I started on Awen Rising and had to stop. Seems after several days of telling myself that I'm okay, I'm not. I fell apart. The sorrow bubbled forth and I cried and cried.

I miss Bugsy. I miss my friend. My companion. My love.

I am bereft, empty. And my world is atilt.

My Companion, My Heart

Now, Awen Rising sits with its editor-edits nearly done. I've just GOT to squeeze through this grief long enough to finish. Then it goes back to Charlie for her next round of magic. Since I'm in Continuing Ed classes (for my day-job) all weekend, that leaves today or tomorrow. And if I can't make that, it won't be until next week.

Pray for me, rebels. I need your help to get this done.

And to get through the depths of this sorrow.

That Rebel, Olivia J. Herrell, writing as O.J. Barré

O.J. Barré is the author of the upcoming Awen trilogy, a druid sci-fi fantasy set in 2042 in Atlanta, Georgia. Steeped in current, ancient, and future history twists, Book One, Awen Rising, is scheduled to debut August 1, 2019, in both ebook and paperback. Book Two, Awen Storm, is slated for 2020. And Book Three, Awen Tide, arrives in 2021.